Dear Thyroid

Dear Thyroid,

I'm just going to keep this short and sweet.  Today marks one year since you left me, so I've had some time to reflect on things. While there are some things I miss about you (clarity of thought, waking up refreshed, not relying on a daily medication to do your job), I have come to the realization that I don't actually miss you. You were making me sick, but in such a sneaky, ninja-like way that I never even realized it until you were already gone. Therefore, I am glad you were evicted. 

And although I don't miss you, I do have you to thank for a couple of things.  First of all, your absence helped me to see just how strong I can be during difficult situations. Thank you for that. I would also like to express my gratitude for causing me to truly appreciate this life I get to live. My days may not always be perfect or happy, but I am at least able to find one moment in each day that I'm thankful for getting the opportunity to experience.

I'm just going to leave you with this thought...

#sorrynotsorry

Sincerely,
Alysia 

PS - I've been wondering: Where do diseased thyroids like you actually go once they leave??? Hmmmmmmm...maybe we'll save that discussion for another post.

That Sick Feeling...

Almost one year ago - August 28, 2015 to be exact -  I got the phone call that my biopsy results were abnormal.  That is a day I will never forget. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and the strength of the emotions I felt that day are indescribable. 

Recently, that sick feeling has begun to creep back into my life again. And it wasn't until a conversation with some close friends at the lake last week that I realized I haven't shared this update publicly yet.  I'm hopeful that writing about this today will help calm some of my anxieties and bring me a little bit of peace. 

In late June, my labs didn't come back with the results we would have liked to see. My TSH was up to 1.77 from 0.18 back in March and Tg (Thyroglobulin) rose from undetectable to 1.8, which is the most concerning piece of the puzzle. The thyroglobulin test is also known as the tumor marker because it measures the amount of active thyroid tissue in my body. Theoretically, I shouldn't have any thyroid tissue left due to the RAI treatment I had last November.  When the Tg levels rise after RAI, it can indicate that the cancer is returning (cue the sick feeling). 

In the spring, my doctor reduced my Levothyroxine dosage back down to 88 mcg from 100 because I was having frequent and strong palpitations on the higher dose.  We are hoping that this change is the cause of my numbers being off.  It's like a chain reaction.  The medicine isn't high enough to suppress the TSH, so it stimulates the thyroid tissue (both cancerous and non-cancerous), thus the Tg goes up. Since my June appointment, I have been back on the 100 mcg dosage in the hopes that my levels will return to normal here in a few weeks.  He also put me on a beta blocker to reduce the side effects of the heart palpitations. 

As I am now approaching the one year anniversary of receiving that phone call, I can't shake the thought of how significant this next set of labs (planned for the last week of August) will be.  I am hopeful that August 28, 2016 will be a much more joyful one than last year's.  I would appreciate your positive thoughts, prayers, and good vibes over the next few weeks as I brace myself for the results.

Time for a Checkup

This week was another round of labs and doctor visits for me, which also meant another round of bruises left behind from the needles. I seriously bruise like a peach! I'm okay with these little remnants of my time in the lab though, because I know how important the results are to my health. Yesterday was my meeting with Dr. Thomas. The first thing we discussed was my TSH, which determines whether or not my current dosage of my thyroid medication is working properly.  Because I was diagnosed as Stage I with a lower risk of recurrence, my results this time around of 0.4 was a great number. Patients who are not free of disease or who have a higher chance of the cancer returning usually need to be suppressed to a lower level than that.  He is also hesitant to try and suppress my levels any more because of the heart palpitations I have been having. So, I'll keep on truckin' at 100 mcg!

Another very important test that they did was on my thyroglobulin (try saying that 3 times fast), otherwise known as the tumor marker. The results on this one help us to see if there might be any cancer trying to return. Ideally, the thyroglobulin levels should be as low as possible (close to zero) because I should have no cancerous cells left. This time around, mine was less than 0.1, or barely detectable. As my doctor monitors me over time, those levels should remain constant. If there is an increase, that is a signal that the cancer is recurring.  

While my physical health has been pretty great lately, I have noticed some new patterns in my moods and in the way I handle stress.  I have noticed an increase in feelings of anxiety and my emotions have been on a bit of a roller coaster lately. I talked with Dr. Thomas about these symptoms to try and get to the bottom of what is going on. There are a few things that might be happening. One possibility is my medication still trying to regulate all of the hormones and balance everything out. Another is just more stress than usual combined with the fact that it's winter. Or, it could be that (even though I may not voice it out loud) there is still a fear in the back of my mind about my cancer and the potential of it returning. He said that this last one is fairly common within the first year or two of a diagnosis too. All of this is really good to know because I was starting to feel a little crazy.

What I'm learning through this process is that, for the most part, I just go about my daily life and don't give cancer a second thought. Everything is normal. I feel generally healthy and happy. Life goes on. And then there are weeks like this one that lead up to those lab results. Weeks when I let the fear and worry about my health get the best of my emotions and I just can't deal with it all. If you're around me during those days and I start to act unlike my normal self, would you do me a favor? Just smile and tell me everything is going to be fine.

A Weighty Subject

Okay, here's the deal. I'm thin. I've always been thin and I am constantly reminded by people around me about my body size. Aside from the genetic factor, the main contributor to my twig arms and legs used to be my overactive thyroid.  My metabolism was kicked into high gear for who knows how long. Once my thyroid was removed, one of my fears was that its absence would cause me to gain weight. While I didn't gain a substantial amount of weight like other thyroid cancer patients I had read about, I did gain some.  This is not uncommon for patients who have undergone a thyroidectomy, especially those who have a difficult time getting their medication regulated.  Not to mention so many patients who are completely taken off their medication for weeks at a time before their treatments and scans. Talk about a roller coaster ride!

After my diagnosis, I decided that as soon as my recovery and treatments were done, I wanted to try and find ways to be a much healthier version of me. I wanted to take control of myself and my body back because I felt so out of control for so many months.  When a co-worker offered the chance to sign up for a weight loss challenge, I saw it as my inspiration to try and reach my goal to be more conscious about my health. And you know what? I'm glad I signed up. Did people question my intentions for joining the challenge? Yep! Have I had to dodge comments about my weight? You betcha! Am I going to win the challenge?  Not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner (ahem - Sheldon).  But for me, that's not the point at all. In fact, I don't WANT to win. My $10 entry fee was a total donation to whomever the amazingly dedicated person is that loses the most weight. I wanted to shed the pounds that I gained after my thyroid was removed...and I'm proud to say that I did! I am slowly working my way back to being stronger and healthier, and that's all I really care about.

Let's all just stop and think about this for a minute: How many of us would ever consider telling a woman how fat she is or that she should really work out more? So, why is there a double standard here? I hear comments all the time about how skinny I am or how I don't need to work out because I don't have any weight to lose. This makes me feel incredibly awkward and guilty for wanting to do something that makes me feel good about myself. 

None of us want to feel judged about our bodies, regardless of what size we happen to be. Can I get all hands in now as we agree that we will shower each other with encouraging phrases like, "Wow! You look so great today!" or "Diggin' the new scarf! It really complements your eyes" or "I hope you are feeling as good as you look today!" Who knows? Maybe it will help us all feel a little better about ourselves!